Little Ruby Riding Hood
by pikaree1
Summary: A RWBY AU of Little Red Riding Hood starring Ruby as Little Red, Torchwick as the wolf, Winter as grandma, and Yang and Blake as the huntsmen!
**(A/N: So, uh... *scratches head* Hi. Petal here. I present to you a little oneshot by the name of Little Ruby Riding Hood. I don't own RWBY, obviously, and like everyone else, I am DYING for volume four to come out. It's too long a wait. But I've rambled on long enough! Again, I don't own RWBY, and I hope you enjoy the story!)**

Once upon a time, there was a short girl with a red cloak. She wore it at all times, even over her school uniform, and it had a hood, so the children in her village jokingly nicknamed her Little Red Riding Hood. Who knows where the riding came from. Unfortunately for her nicknamers, she didn't like the name, and she had a very sharp scythe that also turned into a gun, so they had to come to a compromise.

Little Ruby Riding Hood.

Anyway, Little Ruby Riding Hood's uncle told her to bring a basket of goodies to-this is where he snickered-Grandma's house.

And so, Little Ruby Riding Hood strapped on her scythe and skipped to the rainforest where Grandma's house was located! Why is it a rainforest? Because it was the cheapest story background prop this author could find, that's why!

And so she skipped.

And skipped.

And skipped.

And skipped.

And-

"Can we please move on?" Ruby asks in exasperation.

Fine, fine...

Anyway, there was a menace in the forest called The Big Bad Torchwick. The Big Bad Torchwick was an evil, evil man and a wanted criminal. He lied, cheated, stole, and survived so far. As it so happened, he spotted Little Ruby Riding Hood and decided that she would make an excellent meal.

So he skipped, too, and introduced himself to her!

She initially backed away, having heard the bad rumors, but he quickly set her fears to rest with a really stupid song. He asked her what a little girl was doing in the woods all alone, and she explained that she was delivering a basket of goodies to Grandma. She was even nice enough to tell The Big Bad Torchwick directions.

Then The Big Bad Torchwick suggested she pick some flowers for Grandma.

As Uncle Qrow had been drunk when he sent her off (as always), he hadn't reminded her to not stray from the path, so she gladly went into uncharted territory, filled with Grimm and Rapier Wasps and other dangerous woodland animals in search of the perfect bouquet.

While Little Ruby Riding Hood was busy with that, The Big Bad Torchwick scurried off to Grandma's house.

As it turned out, Grandma was out defeating some Grimm. Instead, she had tasked her Younger Sister Weiss with looking after her house while she was gone.

The Big Bad Torchwick didn't know that, though. He contemplated her youth for a minute. Then he walked in, swallowed her whole, and put on one of Grandma's spare outfits.

In the meantime, Little Ruby Riding Hood had finally finished picking her flowers-a bouquet of white roses. Why they were even growing there is questionable since one is more likely to find tropical flowers in a rainforest than roses, but for the sake of plot convenience, let's ignore that, shall we?

And so she skipped back to the path and to Grandma's house.

Upon reaching it, she knocked on the door. "Hello?" she called. "Grandma?"

"Come in," cooed a wavering, nasally voice.

Little Ruby Riding Hood frowned. Grandma's voice wasn't wavering and nasally; it was commanding and refined. Nevertheless, she walked in. "I brought you a basket of goodies," she called.

"Come a little closer, dearie," the nasally voice requested.

Little Ruby Riding Hood's frown deepened, but she did as she was told. She pulled aside the curtain of Grandma's bed.

"Grandma... What red hair you have..." she murmured.

"Do you like it? I dyed it just for you," came the response.

"Grandma... What prominent underlashes you have."

"All the better to... protect my eyes?"

Little Ruby Riding Hood pulled down the cough mask over Grandma's face.

"Grandma... What a sinister smile you have!"

The Big Bad Torchwick's sinister smile widened. "All the better to greet you with, my dear... INTO MY STOMACH!" Then he swallowed her whole.

"That's gross," Ruby declares, looking sick. Hush and play your part.

"How does that even work?!" Weiss demands. You hush, too!

Little Ruby Riding Hood screamed on the way down and ended up crashing into the other occupant of The Big Bad Torchwick's belly, Grandma's Younger Sister Weiss.

After a brief argument that would have resulted in fisticuffs had they been willing to move around (and thus get more of The Big Bad Torchwick's stomach acids on them), the two sat in silent contemplation. Grandma's Younger Sister Weiss pointed out Crescent Rose, much to the delight of Little Ruby Riding Hood, but at that very moment, the scythe was sucked out of her hands and regurgitated before it could do any damage, like cutting open The Big Bad Torchwick's stomach. The Big Bad Torchwick proceeded to toss it into a sack with Grandma's Younger Sister Weiss's rapier, Myrtenaster.

"No fair!" Ruby and Weiss complain. Be. _Quiet._

Then he fell asleep from eating too much.

But by some lucky or unlucky (really, it depended on your point of view) twist of fate, who should be walking through the woods at that moment but Little Red Riding Hood's older sister, Huntress Yang! And Huntress Yang's sidekick, Huntress Sidekick Ninja Kitty Blake.

...She's giving me that deadpan glare... Let's change it to just Huntress Ninja Blake, hm?

Anyway, they were walking through the forest hunting The Big Bad Torchwick. Huntress Ninja Blake, with her superior senses, quickly caught his scent, and it was leading to Grandma's Cottage. There was another, fresher scent over top of it, the rose scent that she knew belonged to Little Ruby Riding Hood.

So, without a moment to spare, Huntress Yang and Huntress Ninja Blake raced to Grandma's Cottage, where they found The Big Bad Torchwick fast asleep. Huntress Ninja Blake quickly figured out what happened from the weaponnapped Crescent Rose and Myrtenaster in the sack (The Big Bad Torchwick hadn't even had the sense to stuff them in blades first) and chopped his stomach open with Gambol Shroud. Little Ruby Riding Hood leaped out, attempting to hug her rescuers (unfortunately, she was still covered in stomach acid, and the Huntresses weren't willing to hug someone covered in stomach acid), while Grandma's Younger Sister Weiss went to get herself cleaned up. Huntress Yang proceeded to punch The Big Bad Torchwick repeatedly in the face.

The Big Bad Torchwick was put in jail, Huntress Yang became famous, Huntress Ninja Blake was treated to as much tuna as she could ever want, Grandma's Younger Sister Weiss moved in with Grandma, Grandma never got the basket of goodies, Uncle Qrow continued to be an alcoholic, Little Ruby Riding Hood became bestest buddies with Grandma's Younger Sister Weiss, and they all lived happily ever after. The end!

 **(A/N: ...So, I hope you liked it! Please review!)**


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